The moron being me, of course, as I have no idea what I’m doing. Feedback welcome, soccer fans. (Or korfball, as it’s known in England, whose league we’re borrowing.) Selected following no research at all, not even to confirm that they are, in fact, living soccer players, here’s the starting 11 for the Jupiter Wankers of the Cox Premier League:

Goalkeeper: Edwin van der Sar

Defenders: Kolo Touré, Glen Johnson, Mikaël Silvestre, Joseph Yobo

Midfielders: Ashley Young, Simon Davies, David Bentley, Steven Gerrard

Forwards: Roque Santa Cruz, Yakubu

Well, not so much this year as this Saturday. Florida vs. Florida State in Gainesville at 5 p.m. Battlestar Galactica: Razor at 9 p.m. Bonus metaphysical conundrum: Who/what would prevail in a confrontation, Tim Tebow or Battlestar Pegasus?

Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach is clearly insane. I’m a great fan. Texas Tech’s upset of Oklahoma last night is as good an occasion as any to call to your attention, in case you missed it the first time around, to this excellent story about Leach that was in The New York Times Magazine two years ago. Reason No. 1: It’s by Michael Lewis, who is always good value for money. Reason No. 2: The pirate anecdotes.

“When you cut yourself shaving, it’s gonna bleed for a week. When you hurt your shoulder like Tim Tebow did, it’s gonna hurt for a week.”

WTF, Gary Danielson?

He also insisted on several occasions that “This is still a football game,” lest the viewer mistakenly conclude that, after two and a half hours of football, the teams were now engaged in a cricket match. And he once referred to Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford as Mike Bobo, who last played for the Bulldogs a decade ago. Perhaps most perplexing was his mangling of the fable of the scorpion and the frog, which, apart from being creatively reinterpreted to involve a scorpion and a tortoise, was inexplicably employed to illustrate an indecipherable point about Tebow’s tendency to run the ball.

Gary, seriously, have your brain checked out first thing Monday morning.

I don’t have anything against the school, mind you, I’m just dreading the inevitable geographic confusion on the part of sportswriters and broadcasters. The University of South Florida, you see, is not in South Florida. It is nowhere near the southern portion of the peninsula we call Florida, in fact. It would be more accurately referred to as the University of West Central Florida. Why did we commit such an obvious and, frankly, embarrassing blunder? Because we are confused. We are old and confused.

Those of you not from around these parts might not have been aware of any of this. Please consider yourself educated. A map follows for further reference.

(For our American readers who might be feeling a bit lost, this post was about soccer, or “two-man luge” as it’s known throughout the rest of the world.)

Not only is it nice to receive a bit of recognition in an unfamiliar field, it’s particularly nice to place in a contest in which I didn’t even know I had been entered. No, Heavy Pressure hasn’t actually won any contests, but I do have something that I know for a fact no one else in the world has: A 118,551-record SPSS file with the height, weight and name of every player in professional football history backed up on my iPod. Suck on that, sports hacks.

While Heavy Pressure’s contest results are due primarily to the excellent reporting and writing of my colleague Carlos Frias, the story wouldn’t have happened if I, a metro-based data geek, hadn’t wandered across the newsroom and pitched the idea to the sports department. Also, one of The Post’s cops reporters placed third in the FSWA contest for feature writing with her story about an amateur boxer. See what happens when everyone in the newsroom plays nice?

Mash your mouse right here to read more about Heavy Pressure: NFL players struggle with weight game.

And in a journalism-related digression from this sports-related digression … While browsing Florida’s many papers for news about Billy Donovan’s departure from UF for the Orlando Magic, one thing became depressingly clear: Newspaper web sites are bad.

I consider myself a pretty savvy web user, particularly when it comes to labyrinthine newspaper sites, and I knew exactly what I was looking for: Stories about Billy Donovan. Still, it was a slog. I went to one site looking for a particular blog that I know exists and wasted 10 minutes unsuccessfully looking for it. I finally had to open my RSS reader, pull up an old post, and click through to the original site. Pretty poor showing, unnamed newspaper that, for the record, is most definitely not the one where I work.

One other observation: From the credit where credit is due department, the Orlando Sentinel appears to be rewriting its web headlines with SEO in mind, as opposed to simply dumping the space-constrained print headlines on the web. Smart.

• Donovan vanishes to Magic (PBP)
  
• Commentary: This time around the price is right (PBP)
• Former assistant high on UF’s list (PBP)
• Donovan’s departure surprises recruits (PBP)
• Coaches: Donovan’s future bright (PBP)
• Blog: What happened to Donovan’s UF deal? (PBP)
• Orlando Magic hire Billy Donovan as coach (Sentinel)
• Billy Donovan gets some perks along with Orlando Magic payday (Sentinel)
• Orlando Magic pull Billy Donovan out of hat (Sentinel)
• College prep often not enough for NBA coaching jobs (Sentinel)
• Commentary: Billy Donovan dynasty delivers huge Orlando Magic hopes (Sentinel)
• Commentary: Don’t blame Billy Donovan for leaving (Sentinel)
• Donovan to leave UF for NBA riches (Sun)
• Gator fans have hard time believing Donovan is leaving (Sun)