Two more pictures for my amusement, and possibly yours. Both were ads in the sports section of today’s Houston Chronicle, and both convey a certain attitude, guns ‘n boots, that you don’t really see that much of ’round my way in South Florida. Which is not to say that we Floridians are not just as enthusiastic as anyone about firearms, merely that you usually don’t see them in our sports pages. My favorite from the gun store ad: the Snake Charmer II. I have a feeling the snake will not, in fact, be charmed.

Top notch stuff, really top notch. Those eight days will give you an outstanding foundation in spreadsheets, databases and GIS. And the awesome doesn’t stop there: Attending the mapping boot camp qualifies you for a pretty good discount on an ArcView single-use license. So beg, borrow or pad your mileage reimbursements, just find a way to attend these classes.

It’s easy when you work with 1s and 0s all day to never get out of the office and meet the people receiving your mailed, faxed, phoned or e-mailed records requests. But data is a beat like any other, and it pays to spend time cultivating your sources.

Gannett’s The Journal News of White Plains, New York, is looking for a full-time CAR specialist to “work as part of a Data Desk team to acquire data, provide analysis, create maps and assist in posting data to the Web.” They’re looking for the usual skills: Excel, Access, SQL and mapping, plus knowledge of PHP or other language and at least two years of CAR experience. I couldn’t find this one posted on any of the usual sites, but the note sent to NICAR-L today said resume and clips should be sent by August 3 to Frank Brill, Deputy Managing Editor/Data Desk, whose contact information I trust you can unearth on your own if you’d like to work in whatever the heck the “LoHud” is. (Sorry, ignorant native Floridian talking here.)

Tribune’s Sun-Sentinel of Fort Lauderdale (Whoops! How on earth did I get that link wrong?) is after a CAR/Database Specialist to work on a two-person team with all-around good guy John Maines. Again, the usual: Reporting experience, fluency in Excel, Access, SQL and ArcGIS with at least two years of CAR experience. Web development, foreign language skills and writing abilities get you bonus points. I can only assume that they mean the ability to write well, as opposed to the literal and rather less challenging skill of writing in general. Also, don’t think that just because the S-S competes with my employer, The Palm Beach Post, in southern Palm Beach County that I would automatically hate you for seeking this job. I’d immediately set out to destroy you and all that you stand for, most assuredly. But I wouldn’t necessarily hate you as I relentlessly and, if I’m being completely honest, ruthlessly pursued that goal.

Tribune’s Orlando Sentinel says they want a “computer projects specialist.” Turn-ons include “experience working with large data sets” and “the ability to provide statistical analysis.” Awww yeeeaah. Expertise in Access and Excel are required, while knowledge of SQL, web development and GIS are pluses. Ability to wear the mandatory newsroom mouse ears hat without shame or complaint is mandatory. (That last bit’s not strictly accurate. The full truth is that infant-size Tigger costumes also are an acceptable option under the newsroom’s well-known and long-standing mandatory Disney-oriented dress code. Maybe someday Danny Sanchez can explain how he fits inside of his.)

Cox’s The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is looking for the second half of a two-headed CAR duo. Five or more years of journalism experience, the usual suspects of software, deep knowledge of public records. Contact is Newsroom Recruiter Rana Cash. No cracking wise about this one because … well, you know what I like best about working for a Cox newspaper? I mean, aside from the obvious benefits inherent in working for a privately owned, diversified media company with over 80,000 employees and 2006 revenue in excess of $13 billion? Continuing to receive paychecks from that company, that’s what.

Finally, Tribune’s The Morning Call of Allentown, Pennsylvania is looking for a database editor. Their wish list: “Knowledge of computer platforms, PC applications, Excel and Access and an understanding of networking are required, as is familiarity with ASP.net and SQL Server. Knowledge of HTML and XML is required. Experience with PHP/MySQL is preferred. A bachelor’s degree, not necessarily in computer science, is required, a master’s would be a plus.” Specific enough for ya?

(OK, I’ll admit that dane-gerrr-monnnnd might have been a bit much, even for readers who might conceivably find ESRI’s pre-conference questionnaire “interesting.” It’s a reference to the DangerMouse theme song. What can I say? I watched a lot of Nickeloden in the mid-80s.)

I can’t seem to link directly to individual questions, so I’ll just summarize a few here. Click on over to ESRI if you’re interested in the full Q&A.

The tentative timeline toward ArcGIS 9.3: Service Pack 3 in July, SP4 in October or November, and 9.3 in the first quarter of 2008. Why am I looking forward to SP3? Because I’m running WinXP x64 at work. And why does that matter? Because ESRI says SP3 will (finally) include support for 64-bit processors. And why am I, in classic Rumsfeldian fashion, posing so many questions to myself? I don’t know. I’ll stop now.

Less happily, desktop versions of ArcGIS won’t include support for multiprocessor hardware until “the release following ArcGIS 9.3.” Sigh. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of viewing my box (No, that’s not a euphemism. Mind out of gutter, please.), last year I somehow found myself in possession of a ridiculous workstation with two 64-bit dual-core 3.73 GHz Xeon processors stuffed inside. How this happened is a story in itself, so I’ll spare you the details and simply say that I’m disappointed ArcGIS won’t be taking advantage of all that horsepower for quite some time.

More platform news: For all the tens and tens of people in the world desperate to run ArcGIS in Vista, ESRI says it will add Vista support for desktop versions of 9.2 in the third quarter of this year, and all products starting with version 9.3. They also note, rather ominously, that “due to some issues with Vista, several patches from Microsoft will be required in order to run ArcGIS under Vista.” Sure, sounds fine to me.

Finally, here’s a question that’s particularly relevant if, like me, you work in a Mac-based office. Also intriguing if you’re simply sick of keeping a Windows box around solely to run ArcGIS, collect dust and endanger your network: Will ESRI support Macintosh computers?

“We continue to follow the trends in the Mac industry and our users’ requests for support for the Mac platform. While we don’t certify it, we have seen the ArcGIS Desktop software running under Windows emulation mode using the “Boot Camp” capability included with the new versions of the Mac OS and hardware. This solution has very good performance.”

Very good performance, eh? Something to keep in mind next capital budget season.

Speaking of travel, flying into Palm Beach International is an amazingly consistent experience, regardless of your city of departure. You can safely skip checking your ticket or the airport boards for your gate information, for example. Instead, simply follow any electric cart with at least five elderly passengers. They are flying into PBI, likely on their way to Boynton Beach. This is an immutable law of the universe.

Alternately, you may simply wander the terminal until coming upon the gate, and there will be only one, with no fewer than 12 wheelchair-bound passengers hitched up. Lest you think I unfairly stereotype the elderly, let me point out that these wheelchair-bound travelers need not be old at all. Indeed, many wheelchair travelers headed to Palm Beach County are merely overweight or prematurely decrepit on account of their extreme sedentary lifestyle. What attracts these maddening, joyless, sweaty people to our sunny little corner of the world? Me. They know how much they annoy me, and they conspire to ruin my every airline experience with their unreasonable demands and general vileness.

But, really, Palm Beach County is a lovely place.