William M. Hartnett

The arrival of a new year here at Hartnett headquarters can mean only one thing: Obsessive detailing of my 2001 1.8T manual transmission Volkswagen Jetta’s mileage performance. Previous editions: 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010.

It’s important. For example, were you aware that two years ago human Ryan Sholin confessed this annual post is the only reason he still does Internet? It is a fact.

Now here is a driving story from 2011. As you are no doubt aware, I worked at a newspaper in Florida for more than a decade. (Newspapers used to be a thing. In 2012 they do not exist. Wikipedia it.) As of the evening of April 8, 2011, the facts were thus: My wife was enrolled in grad school in Atlanta, my wife was the temporary residence of a small human woman, the small human woman was expected to move out in two weeks, I had just completed my last day of work at the newspaper in Florida and planned to finish my many-phase move to Atlanta in two days.

At 1:30 a.m. on April 9, the small human woman found accommodations inside my wife inadequate and began moving out. Our house in Florida is 591 miles away from our house in Georgia, a drive that typically takes nine to 10 hours. I completed it in an amount of time implausibly less than eight hours, despite a 45-minute rest area nap break.

Then this happened, and that was a driving story from 2011.

Below is a graph of my daily miles per gallon from mid-2001 to the end of 2011. Click the image or mash your pointy thing right here for the full-size version. You’ll notice the big mileage decline a third of the way through the year, coinciding with my move to Atlanta. Most of my driving in South Florida from mid-2007 to April 2011 was racked up in a long commute to work on Interstate 95. My mileage was particularly good in 2007 and 2008, when highway construction and a 55 mph speed limit enforced more fuel-efficient driving habits.

I’ve done comparatively little highway driving since moving to Atlanta, and I don’t have a work commute anymore, resulting in some pretty shit mileage. On other hand, I’m driving a lot less and, as you can sort of see reflected in the wider bars, going much longer between fill-ups.

I drove 6,084.6 miles in 2011, down 36.5 percent from 2011. From January 1 to April 9, while still in Florida, I drove 3,287.5 miles, 33.21 miles per day, or 54 percent of my total for the year. From April 10 to the end of the year, I drove 2,797.1 miles, 46 percent of the 2011 total, and just 10.52 miles per day.

I used 225.154 gallons of gas in 2011, down 30.6 percent from 2010.

My overall MPG for 2011 was 27.024, down 8.6 percent from 2010. Florida MPG was 29.936, Georgia MPG was 23.897.

I averaged 20 days between fill-ups in 2011, up 42.9 percent from 2010. Florida tanks lasted an average of 11 days, Georgia tanks an average of 30 days.

I paid an average of $3.50 per gallon in 2011, up 10.9 percent from 2010.

I spent a total of $786.08 on gas in 2011, down 23.3 percent from 2010.

The Volkswagen might not last another full calendar year, so cherish this information while you still can. Indeed, cherish me, too, all the time.

As you know, Change-or Too has the power to change a soiled diaper in twice the time it would take a typical adult human, but does so with uncommon tidiness. One does not have to be particularly experienced in the diaper-changing arts to appreciate the immense practical applications of this power. For example, imagine that you are confronted by a human baby with a soiled diaper. Now imagine that you have allotted twice the usual amount of time to change the human baby’s soiled diaper, but are not personally capable of doing so with uncommon tidiness.

Change-or Too to the rescue.

As you know, ClearKut has the power to find the edge on a roll of clear tape in half the time it would take a typical adult human. One does not have to be particularly experienced in the art of transparent tapery to appreciate the immense practical applications of this power. For example, imagine that you need to find the edge on a roll of clear tape. Now imagine that you have squandered half of the time that you allotted to finding the edge on a roll of clear tape.

ClearKut to the rescue.

As you know, HalfTime has the power to think of new niche market superheroes in half the time it would take a typical adult human. One does not have to be particularly experienced in the art of niche market superhero invention to appreciate the immense practical applications of this power. For example, imagine that you require the creation of a new niche market superhero. Now imagine that you have squandered half of the time that you allotted to the creation of a new niche market superhero.

HalfTime to the rescue.

I removed the Palm Beach County neighborhood boundary map from this site. The Palm Beach Post is the owner of the copyrights to the maps. Neither the public nor I have the legal right to display, reproduce, distribute, or modify the maps.

For a professional blogging expert such as How-to Hartnett, one’s “about” page is very much the digital equivalent of one’s shop window, the place where one displays one’s finest merchandise. With that in mind, I have recently revised my own about page to better reflect my innumerable accomplishments (three) as both a steamship captain and a mother.

It is important that you think of this page as a living biography to which you are encouraged to contribute. If you have a favorite How-to Hartnett fact or anecdote, do pass it along, particularly if you are a domestic cat.

If you missed the news on Twitter the other day, I’ve officially left The Palm Beach Post. I finally escaped South Florida for the Atlanta area, and I’m now working for Stormpulse. I’m also available for freelance data and GIS work, so get in touch if you need help with your fancy journalism like so, or your fancy maps like so. Or so. Or so. Also, weren’t these pretty? Also, I mileage-track for food. Also, check out these friggin’ cat photos. Also, I’m amazing at everything.

As mapping and cat enthusiast who just moved to a new area, I thought it only natural to make a series of maps tracking the movements and moods of local domestic cats. However, it turns out that the domestic cat movement and mood data collected by both state and local government agencies in Georgia is not quite up to the standard of that available in Florida.

So I just made some maps of the 28-county Atlanta metro area using block-level data from the 2010 Census instead.

The first map shows the black population. The shading represents, from light blue on the low end to dark blue on the high end, the percentage of each block’s population that is non-Hispanic black. The height of each block shows the number of people in each block who are non-Hispanic black.

(Click the map for the full-size image.)
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